Air Asia's staffs, at least 2 of them are losers.

Whenever i overheard people complaining about Air Asia on their crowded airport, or cramped seating, i will tell them:

"You are buying a char kueh tew from a stall, and you are now expecting the stall owner's daughter gonna hump you right away?"

Don't be so cheap.

A lot of people has forgotten the fact that Air Asia is only a budget-airline, although at the very first glance, their air plane is far newer compared to the fleets of Malaysian Airlines.

You get what you pay for.

You don't go into a brothel, pay RM30, and get this type of pretty chick at your service.


Take this instead.


Nah!!! (If you still think you deserve better, you are cheap).

As the matter of fact, frankly i don't mind Air Asia cramped seats.

I don't mind waiting in a over-crowded boarding room as long as the air conditioner is working all-right.

I don't even care when my online booking of Pak Nasser's Nasi lemak turn out looks like something that is no better compared to a cow's dung. (At least it is delicious).


But for today, i want to kom-plen.


Namewee style.
No i am not comparing the Nasi lemak 2.0 with pak nasser's one.

On a recent working trip to Miri and Brunei, due to timing and logistic issues, we have to settle for Air Asia instead of our company standard airliners which is MAS.

Like usual, airport is overcrowded. Me and my another colleague proceed to the Kiosk for self-check in. Stood beside the kiosk machine (or so we thought) was a Air Asia staff, a girl who was busy with a few passengers. at that time.

During our turn, as a very perfect and polite gentleman, i greeted her.

"Good afternoon. I want to do self check in".

You won't believe what happened next. (So do i).

"THIS IS THE KIOSK FOR IPHONE AND IPAD CHECK IN COUNTER! YOU DUNNO HOW TO READ MER??"

WTF??? Did i just grabbed your boobs while greeting you???

Ok, let's get things straight.

1. For one, did i say i am not checking in using my iphone or just well, you know, only with my itinerary?

2. For two, even if i have gone to the wrong kiosk, just point me to the right direction. If not, there will be no point putting you beside these kiosk, i would rather put a big iphone or ipad signage beside these kiosk.

3. For three, suddenly i felt like i am coming back home to my mum as a 7 yrs old.

"2 x3 is SIX, SIX SIX, not EIGHT!!! Like that also you DUNNO mer??"

Well, anyway. Luckily is my company pay for the trip. If i pay, i think i will just slam-dunked her into the nearest luggage drop in counter.

But f-it. Maybe her boyfriend just slept with a cute Air Asia stewardess last night and caught him red handed.

I almost forgotten about this issue, until the second day, when i am checking in for the late night return flight from Miri.

This one lagi cia-lat.

Same scenario. During check in, but this time is a guy.

"Good evening sir, check in please".

"Have you done the self check in?"

"No, cos i misplaced my itinerary".

I swear to god. His face at that time, is like...

like he is having a broomstrick stucked right through his arse. Without saying a word, he gave me a slip with the booking number, and shoo-ing me away to the kiosk to proceed with the check in.

Suddenly one particular song came right through my head.

"You said it best, when you say noooothing at all~~~" Ronan Keating.

Well, for that particular trip, i am a real angry passenger/client.

Before i end this post, still i want to give thumbs up and credit to the Air Asia staffs who has been (most of the time) brilliant towards their customers.

The one who sang birthday song to my mum on the plane.
The one who helped finding back my friend's missing handphone on the plane.

But there'll always be one or two "creatures" out there who are just, destined to "pollute" the good name and credibility of the Air Asia.

People don't always remember good things about you.

And bad things will remain forever. That's human.

Sack those two staffs.

Or put them into angry bird costume, at least kids love them.

Thank you very much.

The "Sexy Fried Rice"

Was chatting with a friend (a girl) of mine one day.

"What did you like about him actually?"

"He can cook Murtabak, Ayam masak kicap and so and so, how sexy is that?"

Ma de.

All this while I thought only guy who wear a bra and does cooking at the same time, well, is classified as sexy.

I can cook, but i admit i am pretty much an amateur la.

But upon listening to her "Man looks so sexy when they can cook" theory, i decided to give it a try.

One of the easiet dish - Fried Rice.

Trial #1.

Rice tasted like rocks, too salty, unable to swallow.

Give it to dogs..

Ni-ah-mey...dog also tak kasi muka.

Presentation? I didn't put a photo here. Be your own judge.

Action plan? Find a recipe in the internet.

Patutla, using the wrong sauce to fry it. How stupid.

Ok, Trial No.2.

Add a bit more eggs, sausages, oyster sauce. Don't forget the salt and the ajinomoto.

Result?

Perfecto!

Not too salty, nice aroma, gulped it down like a crocodile.

I am not boasting. But hey, i can cook!

I called it as "The sexy fried rice".

Wait.

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

Am i sexy now?

Eye Opener in Clark, Phillipines

Heck! i have blogged before on my trip to Phuket, Bali, Singapore, and Vietnam.

Only recently i remembered that i totally forgot about the Phillipines!

i have been to Phillipines twice, once to Cebu, and once to Clark, when i am an angel of 17 yrs old and the daredevil of 29 years old respectively.

You see, many people came back from their trip and started to post those "goody-two-shoes" or "Yes-i-have-visited-the-Taipei-IOI" kind of photos.

Like my little brother here.

Now, let the master present you with the real deal.

This picture was taken at the Fontana Casino and Resort, Clark, Phillipines.

This is the place we stayed for a week.

Also a place where we basically gambled our arse off! For your record, the casino is opened 24 hours a day.

We were walking into it as late as 4am after a heavy late night booze and gambled until the wee hours in the morning.

Well it is good that my pants is still intacted after the session. I didn't lose that much as i am not the huge-big-balls-i-am-gonna-bet-my-all-Feb-of-salary kind of person.

Booze is ridiculously cheap, and i drank it like fish.

Before i realized, i turned into a fish - a dead one, with my brother happily clicking his camera away and put it in his facebook. Look like batman isn't it?

Next, a place i called the "Sin City" - Angeles. If you did not visit this area when you are in Clark, you might as well bang your head against the wall and immerse it into the toilet bowl.

Every pub and discos here is well equipped with those "mama-san", which according to our casino driver-cum tour guide, can help you bring your "dream girl" home that night from as low as 1500 Pesos (Eq to RM 140 ++) PER NIGHT!

How cool is that?

Remember, you see this real life photo from hungyew09.blogspot.com.

The purple lighting reflected on the body of the girls are those "laser guns" for the customer to choose their "dream girl" for that night.

Not to mentioned that you need to bring some locals to provide you a tour within this places. In the spam of one hour, we saw people throwing money from the 2nd floor of the discos whenever a bell in the middle of the dance floor is ringing. (It is part of the tradition, the money, which will be collected by the staffs will be given to the girls as tips) .

I think i threw a 500 pesos (Approx RM5) and my cousin was going ballistics "what the fARk are YOU Doing!!!"

As cool as i like, i replied, "throwing money lor".

At another discos, there will be bunch of girls performing the dance routine while waiting to be selected.

At least better than the welcoming dinner lo, where i have to watch a bunch of uncles and aunties from my hometown (They have a dancing class group) performing their "I am a waiter who carry your tray of drinks" kind of dance.

This kind of dance move should be banned officially by the government of the Phillipines and Malaysia! No wonder i saw my sis and my bro covering their faces in embarrasment.

To sum it up, the trip is obviously, an eye-opener for me.

Now is people asking me if Clark is happening, i just have to sum it up this way.

I WANT TO GO BACK ONCE MORE !!!

But just in case you are planning your for sightseeing and honeymoon, find somewhere else. Ok?

Hello Kitty Debit Card

To me, life is full of surprises.

Full of madness.

Also full of the un-expected.

Like when i got to know there is this one American Idol in the name of..

Well i see, you know him.

Everyone knows William Hung. (I love him, honest. And i have been putting his "yummylicious" pose in my blog for the 3rd time now).

When William starts to sing and shake his arse, i will be like "what the heeellll is he doooinnng!!" That is f**king embarrasing ok?? That's really an ultimate disgrace to the entire entertainment industry!!!

But i swear i never see this coming.

When HLB first introducing this, i called this "the ultimate kick-in-the-butthole of the entire banking industry!!!".

Hello Kitty Debit Card. LIMITED EDITION SUMMORE!! TAKE THAT!!

Well to be honest i am not really sure about terms and condition to be eligible for this debit card.

But Hello Kitty?? It is like you walking down the streets and shouting at every passer-by that "I am a gay, so what?".

Imagine this scenario:

1. You bring your date for dinner, the food is perfect and the night is romantic. At the end of the day, you pull out a HELLO KITTY debit card to pay the bills. How cool is that ruining your chance to get laid that night?

2. You won complimentary movie tickets, and have to tell you friend that you won it through the "HELLO KITTY" save and win contest! How cool is that your friends start to think that you have turned into a gay?

3. Even better, you go to Hong Leong Bank, and ask the girl behind the counter.

"May i have the application form for the savings account please?"

"Yes sir, which type of savings account you would like to apply?"

"The one, ar..with the HELLO KITTY on the card one lo.."

Now, that is mutha furking cool!

I have had the CEO of KWSP written a compliment email to me on the blog of the KWSP before.

Now, maybe the CEO of Hong Leong Bank?

Hello?? Somebody please??

Mum, can i apply for the card too....please?

IKEA & my DIY

It is funny how a person would start to think about "IKEA" whenever it comes to furniture or house appliances.

It is like:

"I want to buy a bed frames, lets go to IKEA!"

"I think i need a bigger cabinets, lets go to IKEA!"

"I want to look for a mirror, lets go to IKEA!"

Even more ridiculous ,

"I wanted to buy A SPOON!! Let's GO TO IKEA!!" - My Good friend

I almost killed him on that day i swear.

Unless your house is just located beside The Curve, i have got nothing to say. No debate. Case close.

From my personal point of view, some of the items on display are simply overrated.

Well, we can't blame them as they are selling the brand. You can notice that most of the time, people wander in to IKEA for 2 hours and coming out with a plastic bag of candle, or a 4-pc mirror, stuffs like that.

Or worse still, ended up with nothing.

Now that i have the ipad, i can do my window shopping on their online catalogue without having to drive my ass off, cursing and swearing with the LDP traffics to get stuff that i wanted from IKEA.

I have always wanted to get a sofa bed for my study room. But being on a tight budget, the plan has been delayed for more than amonth, until i saw something on the catalogue.

It is like Air Asia giving out the Zero fare seats, whereby the only difference is that i don't have to put up with the slow internet bookings. I found the "Solsta Sofa bed" which is exactly the type of Sofa Bed that i have wanted, and better still, with a very affordable price at RM429. (Delivery within Klang Valley will cost you another RM65).

Guess what? Like Air Asia, there are also "hidden cost" such as "Installation fees" at RM21.

But i am a damn macho guy.

As we all knew, IKEA product always come with a easy-to-understand catalogue and the neccesary tools.

With the manual, you don't have to be a genius carpenter to do the installation.

What you need?.

"Common sense"

I need five minute to unpack all the tools and the dismantled part of the "Solsta".

And approximately another ten minutes scartaching my balls and my head trying to understand the manual.

But once i have got the clue, i did it like superman. Things went on without a glitch, not until i see this final part.

What the furk is that?

Apparently, IKEA told me that my right hand index finger is another "tool" to fix the base of this sofabed.

I always thought that my finger is only useful for nose digging.

Done. Completed. Ready to get laid.

For woman, shopping in Bangkok is an orgasm.

For footballer, the ultimate orgasm is scoring a decisive goal at the dying minutes.

To me?

"Doing that thing" with my right hand, without having to pay anything.

Now that's what i called "Ultimate furking orgasm"

(To be honest, at the end of the day i think i should have really paid the RM21 for installation. FML).

Be thankful at least once in a while...

There are times in my life when:

1. I envy those rich man driving past me in their BMWs.

2. I envy those big bungalows they are staying in.

3. I envy their lavish lifestyle where they could afford to travel around the globe.

Everytime when i think about this, a part of me felt like a complete loser.

This morning, upon waking up. While on my way going to the office, i saw an old lady picking up empty cans in a garbage bin.

I saw people who brave the rain with their motorcycle on their way to work.

I overheard the Indonesian cleaning ladies in my office telling her friends how she miss her children back in her homeland.

Thinking back, i am still a lucky guy. I have a proton car which had drove me all over the place, for works, for dates, for everything. I have a small apartment that i can proudly claimed as my own "home", without having to worry about renting other's people place to stay. And also, I still get to travel at least once in a year, be it on leisure or work purpose, without having to crush empty cans to buy the tickets.

Sometimes, we just have to be thankful, isn't it?

But in the same time, there's no harm to dream.

Like what Stephen Chow once said "Without dreams, whats the difference between you and a salt-fish"?

A moment of Misunderstanding..

I have a close friend who has since migrated to Australia.

He left a condominum over here in Hartamas area and has since pass the key to me in order to "take care" of his place while he is away.

On a Friday morning, me and my another mate, J, went to his condo, just to helped to get one of his broken door knob fixed. Since i have the access cards and the keys to the condo, we went straight in and up to his place without a fuss.

Not until i noticed that one of the security guard was following us.


After a brief exchange of conversation, he left without any further question.

While we were "busy at work", suddenly the door bell rang again.

This time it is not ONE. It is SIX of them!!!

For a moment, i thought they wan to show us their Jai-Ho dance moves.


To be honest, in Malaysia (I mean it) when you got surrounded by a bunch of indian men, you are either getting pissed drunk with each other, or you got killed. (Or in some cases, both)

This is how the conversation took place:

Guards: Sir, we heard that you guys have cut the lock on this unit and we need to know what you are doing.

Me: Cutting the lock? (Show him the perfect good lock) Is this what you mean? Yes i have difficulty coming in to this unit, but i certainly does not need to cut the lock and break into this place?

Guards: (Realizing his mistakes) oh , thank u sir. Forget about it. We are just doing our job.

Me: No prob at all, thank you!

They left and i thought the problem has solved. But not until i realized that i have a very "tough" guy coming with me on that day.

This is the guy, er, how you call it? No-nonsense type of macho guy. (If he is born in India, i would bet my balls on him winning the election for the presidential seat)

"Are they trying to frame us? *&Y%^%$ do they think they are?? I am gonna *&^%^ them big time!!" J telling me.

Well, being buddy for ten years also means that i immediately realized that he is not going to listen to my advice to "just let it go". The only thing i could stop him from continuing his argument with the guards on that day? Maybe just to knock him out unconsiously.

The last sentence i heard from the guards are:

"You guys should bloodily learn how to talk!"

J just smiled back at him "Yes, damn right you need to learn".

Phew...

So what do i learnt? Helping an Australian, one Malaysian chinese almost killed SIX Malaysian Indians.

夏日乐悠悠

I am not a big fan of romance movie actually.

Too bad, when i approached the "DVD lou" near my place hoping for new release, ended up with dissapointment.

Out of desperation, he offered some consolation by showing off his collection of "explicit" movies, which i am not interested. (I have tonnes of them by the way).

So, no choice la, ended up with this movie "Love you you"-夏日乐悠悠。A movie taken place in Redang island with Angelababy as the main actress.

And furk! To my surprise, at one point of the movie, it is so touching that i almost weeped!

Eherm, ok, i am man enough to know that it was just a movie, something which is not real. But the storyline i would say, given a rating 1-10, i am giving out a staggering 8.5!

I think this movie has yet to be shown in our cinema.

But the good news is, it is available throughout the Malaysia "Pirated CD" networking.

Anyhow, check out the movie theme song "Love you you" composed and sang by JJ Lin, the Singaporean singer. You know, when come to JJ, his love song never dissapoint. At least not me.

Highly recommended!

I Love Durians

Everybody loves durian, including me.

It remains a mystery until today for the americans, why would we Asian love to eat something that smells like shit to them.


My dad is an even bigger fan. Whenever he planned to fly over from Sarawak, he would ask me:
"So, got durian or not?"

If i say yes, i bet his face looked like this:

Me and my dad is such a big fans of durian, we will eat durians until our poo-poo smelled like one.

So, without second thought, i bought a few durians back to my home.

After a big fat meal, a cold and nice durians is like herm..

HEAVEN.

(This post sounds a bit like primary school "karangan" right?)

Goodbye Steve

Early morning in the office, my office instant messaging pop out with a message.

"My bff just passed away".

The came another one.

"Your idol has gone, forever".

I came to found out that the person is actually Steve Job, the Apple CEO. Got to know from a friend who walked pass my cubicle, ironically, while holding the iphone in his hand.

I was dumbstrucked.

I don't know Steve personally. But somehow, i do live in his shadow. I still remembered that when the very first iphone unit land in the store, i was like:

"Why is it so heavy??"

"It is too big and not really convenient to be brought around!!".

"What? Scrolling around using my finger? Why no pen one?"

"*&^%$, it's gonna cost me a bomb!" - Actually, this is the main reason.

So, i continue to live in the state of denial for nearly a year.

But too hard to resist lah!!
Worse still, apart from my iphone, now i have an Ipad in my home. (Why didn't i complain?)

Steve Says: Think Differently.

I say: Screw you, for making me in debt of credit cards.

Anyway, apart from that, thank you Steve for bringing the joy of bringing the whole world together just by a touch and click away.

We will miss you, termendously.

Oh ya, did someone told you that you look like Tom Cruise when you are young?